I found a great post at Confessions of an English Gentelman he writes:
At your first encounter with your submissive, how hard should you spank her? This may sound like a trivial question, but I think it touches on some of the conundrums (conundra?) around D/s. My instinctive answer to the question would be, just a bit harder than she thinks she can bear. Note I do not say harder than she can bear. There is always a gap between what in her mind she thinks she can endure, and what in practice she is able to take. At her first encounter she will be apprehensive, fearful of what she may have let herself in for, her head full of lurid tales of what can happen to girls who entrust themselves to strange men whom they know in advance take pleasure in causing pain. But a Dom who knows what he is doing can always, with the right combination of firmness and tenderness, coax her into taking more than she expected she could. Sometimes a lot more.
Never forget that submissives want, above all, to submit. That may sound like a statement of the obvious, but it bears thinking about. What she wants, most of all, is not the pleasure of having her bottom tingle or even throb. What she needs, down to the depths of her soul, is to be made to take what you want to give her. And submission must never be too easy. If she doesn’t have at least some resistance to it then you aren’t doing it hard enough. If she revels in the spanking, then you are merely giving her what she wants, not what she needs. Push her a bit harder, make her feel your power to control her, make her suffer and wriggle and protest. If the spanking is just a bit too hard, she may not exactly enjoy it at the time. But she’ll get a lot more satisfaction from it when it’s done.
Read the rest at Confessions of an English Gentelman
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